An apology and brittle, shallow, stupid hope

Adoption law reform. We’ve been saying those words for so many years. Many of us have expended hours, months, years of our lives to this end. To see the archaic 1955 Adoption Act and associated acts repealed.

And now, change is coming. Law reform is on the government’s agenda. They’ve convened a working group and outlined the scope of change.

So why am I not celebrating?

Because it appears there is no one in the working group with lived experience. The minister, Kris Faafoi, refuses to meet with me. And every other week, we see a new story in the media championing the rights of those who commission children using third party providers.

Of course, they'll give us a time and place to contribute. But by then, the policies will be set. They will have transferred those old notions of identity as a social construct to the new policies. And our experience and views will only be considered where they do not interfere with the functions and structure of the adoption and fertility industries.

But what about the Royal Commission on Abuse in State Care, I hear you ask? I was enthusiastic about giving evidence. Judge Coral Shaw assured me the evidence we give would inform new policies.

I gave evidence and I encouraged others to do so.

But it appears the goalposts have moved yet again. Here's the letter from the RC.

And my response.

So, I apologise for getting all our hopes up. And or my foolish enthusiasm, my brittle, shallow, stupid hope that finally, our voices might be heard and taken seriously. Not today, Satan. (as my kids used to say)

Until our country examines the old ideas entrenched within the adoption act, we will continue to believe that children are interchangeable, that one set of arms is as good as another, and that mothers are expendable. That an authentic identity matters for them, but not for us. As a country will continue to make policy that creates second-class citizens while privileging those who wish to create family no matter the cost to those they acquire.

I'll be talking about these things and more at the wonderful Auckland Writers Festival. May 15, 12 pm in the Limelight Room at the Aotea Centre in Auckland. Come if you can and ask me tricky questions. Invite your friends. (it's a free event) And say hi after.

If the Auckland Writers Festival is not on your radar, here are two excellent podcasts where we discuss adoption. This one out of New York.

The other from the South Island of New Zealand. Please do share with your networks.

A couple of weeks ago, I took a tour of the old Bethany home in Napier.

The scene of multitudes of babies removed from their mothers. The location of so much torture and agony. Now just an empty shell and about to be demolished. I found the atmosphere oppressive. I took to my bed for the entire afternoon, overwhelmed with the grief in those empty walls and floors.

Here’s a tiny moment from the filming we did.

Never has the Salvation Army motto Blood and Fire held more meaning. Cruelty and abuse are woven into the hearts of believers and followers and doctors such as Gerald Gleeson. All of it justified by morality and the market demand for fresh newborns. Same as it ever was.

Kia Kaha, my fellow adopted peeps.

May we all continue to make our lives into heroic journeys of self-made wonder.

Barbara Sumner